254 funny something quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

May 18, 2026

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

May 18, 2026

Nothing humbles you faster than rereading something you were proud of yesterday.

May 6, 2026

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Apr 1, 2026

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Apr 1, 2026

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Apr 1, 2026

The amount of people who “find God” after doing something evil needs to be studied.

Apr 1, 2026

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Apr 1, 2026

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Apr 1, 2026

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Apr 1, 2026

I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

Apr 1, 2026

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Apr 1, 2026

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Apr 1, 2026

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

Apr 1, 2026

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Apr 1, 2026

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Apr 1, 2026

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Apr 1, 2026

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Apr 1, 2026

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Apr 1, 2026

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

Apr 1, 2026

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Apr 1, 2026

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Apr 1, 2026

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Apr 1, 2026

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Apr 1, 2026

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Mar 31, 2026

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Mar 31, 2026

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Mar 31, 2026

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Mar 31, 2026

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Mar 31, 2026

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Mar 31, 2026

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Mar 31, 2026

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Mar 31, 2026

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Mar 31, 2026

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Mar 31, 2026

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Mar 31, 2026

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Mar 31, 2026

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Mar 31, 2026

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

Mar 31, 2026

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Mar 31, 2026

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Mar 31, 2026