Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"
6 months ago
Share →: The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Commentary:
"Oh, you know, just the usual exciting day of staring at myself in the mirror and contemplating life's biggest mysteries 💇‍♀️💭 #BasicBeautyRoutine"
6 months ago
Share →: Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Commentary:
"Ah, the majestic race to the red light, truly a display of unmatched skill and precision 🚗💨 Hats off to you, speedster! May your acceleration always be as enthusiastic as your parking brake game 💥🏁 #SpecialDriver"
6 months ago
Share →: If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Commentary:
"Who knew being a shark's meal could make you feel so unique? 🦈 Just remember, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade… or in this case, shark bait! 😅 Stay positive, right? Stay fin-tastic, my friend! 🌊"
6 months ago
Share →: The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Commentary:
"Because let's face it, no one likes getting a regular envelope from the IRS… It's like receiving a surprise party invitation from your least favorite relative 💌🕶️ #IRS #TroubleAvoided"
6 months ago
Share →: There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Commentary:
🎬🙈 When watching movies with your parents, the only rating system needed is the "Awkwardness Alert Level." Prepare for those cringe-worthy scenes that make you wish you could disappear into your popcorn bucket! 😳🍿
6 months ago
Share →: Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of human relationships. 🤣 Just when you think you've met that special someone, they make you consider extreme measures. 💔🔪 Remember, it's all part of life's rollercoaster ride… or crime thriller novel! 😜 #RelationshipDrama"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Commentary:
"Back in my day, we captured memories with hearts, not hashtags! 💖 Who needs Insta fame when you've got a heart full of special moments, am I right? 📸 #NostalgicHeart"
6 months ago
Share →: Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Commentary:
"Ah, the beauty of human uniqueness! 🤪 Whether it's being a professional procrastinator or a champion of awkward situations, we all have our own special kind of awfulness to bring to the table. Embrace it with a grin and a shrug! 🙃"
6 months ago
Share →: Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Commentary:
"Well, well, well… If you're going to end up in hell, might as well make yourself comfy on a throne, right? 👹🔥 Who knew even the fiery depths could use a touch of royalty! 👑😈 #HellOnThrone"