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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,813

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Live now on TikTok:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Making waves on Telegram:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Just shared via WeChat:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Just shared via Telegram:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Making waves on Snapchat:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Going viral on Discord:

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Home » Funny Wealth Quotes » Page 4

82 Funny wealth quotes

More funny wealth quotes 👇

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

0

1 month ago

envy, humor, i, irony, people, problem, rich, rich people, self-reflection, wealth
Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

0

1 month ago

die, humor, irony, joke, life, man, marriage, money, old, old man, relationship, wealth
I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

0

1 month ago

aspiration, dollars, dream, humor, joke, life, million, missing, money, wealth
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

0

1 month ago

billionaire, honesty, humor, job, lying, people, sarcasm, truth, wealth
Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

0

1 month ago

beast, comparison, Dubai, exaggeration, humor, mr., Mr. Beast, person, personality, personification, wealth
I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

0

1 month ago

advice, employment, financial, financial advice, generational, generational wealth, guys, humor, i, joblessness, recommend, recommendation, wealth
If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

0

1 month ago

anyone, billboard, company, decide, ever, humor, i, invest, investment, joke, lottery, secret, signs, tell, wealth, win
All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

0

1 month ago

accountability, billionaire, confiscated, five, humor, last, list, satire, society, things, wealth, week
I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

0

1 month ago

ambition, crazy, halfway, humor, rich, self-awareness, wealth
Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

0

1 month ago

best, billionaire, heart, humor, interests, irony, me, sarcasm, trust, wealth

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Instagram this month:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

87 shares on X this month:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

98 shares on Threads this month:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Just shared via Slack:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Just shared via WeChat:

I need a day off from myself.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Seen just now on YouTube:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Activity Log ✨

82 Funny wealth quotes

More funny wealth quotes 👇

All funny wealth quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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