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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,988

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Just landed via TikTok:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Just landed via Slack:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Shared recently on X:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

Shared recently on Slack:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Talking to me is like going on a road trip – sure, we might take a few detours, but hey, at least there's a view! 🚗🌄😄"

chatting, communication, conversation, having, humor, journey, kind, me, route, scenic, scenic route, taking, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

1 month ago
40s, age, assembling, floor, furniture, getting, getting older, humor, life, life stage, old, older, put, sit, sitting, sitting on floor, stage, together, too, welcome
The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

1 month ago
bigger, even, failure, forget, humor, humor quote, irony, learning, life, mistake, mistakes, only, past, present
Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

2 months ago
baby, childhood, expression, Funny, humor, me, parenthood, patience, sigh, sighing, time
I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

1 month ago
addiction, coping, coping mechanism, humor, life, me, mechanism, smoking, stop, stress, weed
Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

1 month ago
diva, divisibility, divisible, humor, insult, joke, math, math joke, number, number theory, numbers, okay, only, playful, playful insult, prime, prime number, theory, yourself
Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

1 month ago
calling, education, existence, humor, irony, pain, PhD, pleasure, reading, study

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Going viral on WeChat:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Spotted on YouTube:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Spotted on TikTok:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Don’t hate me, date me!

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I remember sex. That was cool.

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

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Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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