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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Trending via Slack:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Going bananas on Slack:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Just shared via Threads:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Trending via Facebook:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Going viral on Twitch:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Just landed via Instagram:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Receiving a drunk text is like being chosen as the VIP in someone's intoxicated adventure 🍻📱💬 #PrioritiesInCheck"

appreciate, appreciation, connection, drunk, drunk text, face, friendship, funny message, humor, message, off their face, someone, still, text, thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

0

2 months ago

attention, autograph, awkwardnes, celebrity, hate, humor, i, interaction, just, me, people, picture, request, social, social interaction, stare, want
The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

0

2 months ago

billionaire, commentary, irony, much, nothing, people, satire, social, social commentary, too, too much, wealth
“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

0

3 months ago

anyone, dating, hallucination, humor, misunderstanding, question, seeing
The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

0

2 months ago

conflict, craving, donut, humor, hunger, i, jealousy, me, nemesis, person, rivalry
I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

0

2 months ago

everyone, funny observation, headless, hold, humor, i, joke, low, observation, playful, rain, umbrella, weather, weather joke
“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

0

2 months ago

affection, dealer, drug, drug dealer, family, gap, generational, generational gap, grandma, hand, humor, joke, love, man, money

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

I woke up alive again.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

76 shares on Discord this month:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Just shared via X:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Just shared via Slack:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Breaking via YouTube:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Trending via WeChat:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Live now on Facebook:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Just landed via Discord:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Trending via TikTok:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Going viral on Instagram:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨