Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Setting two alarms is a great plan, unless 'The Real Me' decides to hit snooze on both! 🕰️😴 Good intentions vs. reality – the eternal battle of the morning routine! ⏰😂"

alarm, always, good, humor, i, intentions, me, motivation, procrastination, real, self-awareness, set

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

0

2 months ago

appearance, buying, change, glasses, humor, joke, new, ugly, week, whole
Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

0

1 month ago

hate, honesty, humor, i, insult, liar, only, sarcasm, stupid, stupidity, thing
My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

0

2 months ago

activity, couple, humor, husband, relationship, shop, work, workshop
Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

0

2 months ago

ceremony, final, final rose, humor, rose, rose ceremony, roses, sarcasm, thank, thank you
My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

0

5 months ago

alone, awkward, awkward situation, college, ex, gf, girlfriend, humor, i, just, lot, means, reason, relationship, situation, story, talk, where
We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

0

2 months ago

1969, ambition, election, every, exploration, humor, i, man, me, moon, president, promise, put, satire, space, space exploration, stop

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

53 shares on X this month:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

33 shares on X this month:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Trending via Reddit:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Freshly posted on Discord:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Going viral on Instagram:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨