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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

332 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,925

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,925

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

4,018

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Breaking via Twitch:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Just shared via YouTube:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

Spotted on Slack:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Making waves on Threads:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Once it's in the pan, it's on a lifelong cooking journey! 🍳👨‍🍳😂 #PanLoyalty"

back, bro, chef, cooking, food, frustration, hate, humor, i, kitchen, later, meal, pan, recipe, something, staying, take, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

1 month ago

adult, exhaustion, here, humor, over, request, responsibility, someone, tired, too
You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

1 month ago

better, communication, concern, home, humor, injured, know, let, me, pissed, safely
“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

1 month ago

another, before, date, disappointment, expectation, home, humor, i, just, relationship, word
I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

1 month ago

everything, happiness, happy, i, life, need, person, simple, simple person, want, work
My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

1 month ago

back, back pain, exercise, flexibility, health, humor, irony, morning, morning routine, pain, routine, upper, yoga
The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

1 month ago

cost, dinner, economy, food, having, high, humor, lifestyle, living, nap, sleep, thinking

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Just landed via Facebook:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Breaking via Facebook:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Spotted on Slack:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

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I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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