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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Breaking via Twitch:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Shared recently on Threads:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Spotted on Reddit:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Breaking via Facebook:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Spotted on Telegram:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.
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Commentary:
"Looks like someone takes their pool game very seriously! 🎱 Who needs a lucky charm when you've got a favorite hole, right? 😄 Keep sinking those balls like a pro!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,419

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Shout out to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Making waves on Messenger:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Going viral on Instagram:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Just landed via Discord:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Just shared via Discord:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Trending via Telegram:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

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