Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Live now on Instagram:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Just shared via Telegram:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Making waves on Discord:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Trending via Instagram:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sending this email was the adult version of saying 'I dare you to sleep tonight!' 😴📧😂"

awake, email, hope, humor, i, keeps, message, night, sarcasm, sleep, wakefulness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

0

2 months ago

able, being, call, coming, feel, feel good, good, healthy, humor, i, office, people, productivity, should, time, time off, today, want, waste, work
“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

0

2 months ago

adventure, explain, explanation, gap, humor, i, interview, job, job interview, missing, national, national park, park, resume
Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

0

2 months ago

charm, dating, flirting, good, humor, man, much, never, practice, too, trust
If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

0

2 months ago

1, ago, Bitcoin, cryptocurrency, finance, humor, investment, joke, let, let that sink in, sink, ten, value, worth, year’s
That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

0

2 months ago

attitude, drawer, humor, junk, junk drawer, moments, office, office supply, pen, picked, procrastination, random, random moments, supply, today, unexpected, used, writing
You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

0

2 months ago

drink, great, help, homework, humor, kid, know, math, parenting, struggle, vodka

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

47 shares on Discord this month:

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

98 shares on Threads this month:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Shared recently on Instagram:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Shared recently on Discord:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Making waves on Telegram:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Shared recently on Facebook:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Live now on X:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨