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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,330

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Breaking via Twitch:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Just landed via Instagram:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Making waves on Slack:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Just shared via WeChat:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Trending via Reddit:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Spotted on Twitch:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

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I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”
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Commentary:
Looks like someone's passion for space was out of this world, but their lunch radar was a bit off! 🚀🥪 Next time, remember: fueling your stomach is just as important as fueling rockets! Keep shooting for the stars, and maybe pack a snack for the journey. 😉

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

85 shares on Slack this month:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,592

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Making waves on Telegram:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Making waves on Facebook:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Spotted on Threads:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Just landed via Messenger:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

Making waves on TikTok:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Broadcasted on X:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

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