Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,230

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Just landed via Instagram:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Making waves on Telegram:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Just landed via WeChat:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Live now on Facebook:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Live now on Threads:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Just shared via Telegram:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Spotted on X:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
😂🤣 "Story of my life: Always lost, but I'm having a great time being confused! 🔍🤷‍♂️"

clueless, confusion, going, happening, humor, humor quote, i, idea, ignorance, irony, know, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

0

1 month ago

clothing, exist, fashion, humor, occasion, shopping, style, Zara
Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

0

2 months ago

budget, confuse, dating, finance, humor, men, money, month, never, only, operational, recruitment, relationship
I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

0

2 months ago

attractive, confidence, dating, every, finds, humor, i, me, self-esteem, someone, still, sure, surprise, time
I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

0

2 months ago

am, children, content, content provider, dad, dad jokes, family, father, humor, i, jokes, mean, parent, parenting, proud, proud parent, provider
Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

0

4 months ago

adult, adulting, being, every, exhaustion, feels, humor, i, just, life, okay, perseverance, stress, struggle, through, week
People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

0

2 months ago

crush, dating, ex, ex crush, ex girlfriend, girlfriend, humor, i, people, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

23 shares on Instagram this month:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

I like you because we hate the same people.

49 shares on Slack this month:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

67 shares on Instagram this month:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Just shared via Twitch:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Just shared via YouTube:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Spotted on Twitch:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Just landed via TikTok:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Seen just now on Threads:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨