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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,372

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Shared recently on Instagram:

This whole week could have been an email.

Going viral on YouTube:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Spotted on Facebook:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Shared recently on Slack:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Breaking via Twitch:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When they say "dress for the job you want," I guess pajama pants mean I'm aiming for professional napper status 😂🛌💼

energy, give, humor, i, only, people, trust, unemployable, unemployable energy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

0

2 months ago

autobiography, book, characters, creativity, dark, dark humor, humor, killing, maybe, plot, plot twist, spice, thinking, twist, writing
I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

0

2 months ago

bonus, bonus features, brevity, communication, features, humor, i, irony, punchline, say, short, story, storytelling, tell
After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

0

4 months ago

after, ejaculation, everything, existential, existential realization, humor, male, male perspective, men, perspective, realization, realize, upon, vanity
The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

0

2 months ago

dental, dental extraction, extraction, forgot, glitch, God, humor, idea, just, modern, modern technology, patch, pull, random, technology, teeth, tooth, wisdom, wisdom tooth
You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

0

2 months ago

crack, dark, ever, expectation, glow, good, humor, knees, me, relatable, too
Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

0

2 months ago

advice, anything, caution, day, decision making, explain, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, paramedic, want, wisdom

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

72 shares on X this month:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

71 shares on Slack this month:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

63 shares on Discord this month:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

81 shares on X this month:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Making waves on Facebook:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Just shared via Instagram:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨