I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

42 shares on Messenger this month:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

86 shares on Slack this month:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

33 shares on Messenger this month:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”