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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1667 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,829

Funny Quotes Topics

14,655

Funny Quotes Images

11,829

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Just shared via X:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Just landed via YouTube:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Reported on TikTok:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Making waves on Facebook:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.
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Commentary:
"Finally, a statistic I can trust… or can I? 🤔😂 #TruthfulDeception"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1667 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,829

Funny Quotes Topics

14,655

Funny Quotes Images

11,829

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Netflix & by yourself.

Going viral on X:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Trending via Threads:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Just landed via Messenger:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Reported on Slack:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

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