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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,648

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Live now on TikTok:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Spotted on Messenger:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Seen just now on Discord:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like even Google knows I'm dedicated to freestyle life choices 🤷‍♂️💻🤣

bar, before, crash, disappointed, disappointment, even, Google, humor, i, instruction, instructions, listen, name, results, sarcasm, search, under, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

1 month ago
5, downloading, internet, internet speed, minutes, nostalgia, patience, progress, remember, song, speed, technology, under
Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

5 days ago
another, car, cars, communication, curse, driving, excuse, family, friend, generations, horn, humor, kind, me, rage, road, road rage, sarcasm, should
I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

1 month ago
age, am, decay, humor, i, life, old, perspective, prime, wit
I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

1 month ago
5, day, exaggeration, having, humor, life, life struggle, long time, rough, rough day, sarcasm, struggle, time
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

2 months ago
bed, dangerously, edge, foot, humor, i, life, live, living, living life, night, over, risk, sticking
Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

2 months ago
adulthood, complaint, day, fine, humor, irony, life, responsibility

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Just shared via Telegram:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Just shared via Telegram:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Freshly posted on X:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Trending via Threads:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Shared recently on Slack:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

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I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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