I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.