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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Every time I use a Windows computer, it’s like they built malware into the OS. Like, what do you mean there are ads in the start menu?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Jan 5, 2026

3,630

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Live now on Discord:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Making waves on YouTube:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Just shared via TikTok:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

2 months ago

0

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🚗😄 "I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial… and that Santa doesn't have a car dealership on the North Pole! Looks like Rudolph's sleigh will have to do the job this year! 🦌🎅"

car, Christmas, commercial, gift, humor, live, relationship, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

0

2 months ago

battle, debate, humor, i, opinion, performance, person, politics, presidential, rap, should
Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

0

2 months ago

blocked, blocking, correcting, correction, great, humor, irony, just, media, mistakes, satisfaction, social, social media, someone, spelling
The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

0

2 months ago

activity, dance, fun, fun activity, humor, marriage, reason, relationship, trend, wedding
January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

0

18 hours ago

1st, actually, always, calendar, date, day, day feeling, feeling, feels, funny observation, humor, January, January 1st, new, new year, observation, perception, Sunday, time, time perception, year
Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

0

3 months ago

bed, having, healing, healing power, never, power, relaxation, sleep, solitude, underestimate, yourself
The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

0

3 days ago

advice, being, health, humor, ironic, know, mental, mental health, need, person, psychology, put, putting, putting first, right, self-care, therapy, told, worst, Worst Person

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

52 shares on X this month:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Breaking via Threads:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Going viral on TikTok:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Broadcasted on Threads:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Just shared via X:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Making waves on Facebook:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Live now on Messenger:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

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