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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has viewed:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has shared:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has viewed:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has shared:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has shared:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has shared:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Everybody thinks β€œFree Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Messenger:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Just landed via Discord:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Trending via Pinterest:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Trending via Threads:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Trending via Telegram:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

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If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.
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Commentary:
Haha, talk about channeling your inner diplomat! πŸΆπŸ’¬ Next thing you know, you'll be asking it about its day and negotiating a peace treaty over a pup bowl. πŸ–βœŒοΈ Who knew the secret to doggy diplomacy was just a good ear and some empathy? πŸ˜‚πŸΎ

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,423

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has viewed:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡° has viewed:

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has downloaded:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has viewed:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Twitch:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Just shared via Facebook:

Happiness is an inside job.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Just landed via Messenger:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Making waves on Facebook:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Spotted on Threads:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

Making waves on Slack:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

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