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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,971

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Seen just now on Slack:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Seen just now on Slack:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Spotted on Discord:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"When I say I'm on a seafood diet, I mean I see food, and I eat it. 🥴🍕 Let's keep it that way!"

actually, behavior, being, complain, complaint, fitness, humor, i, irony, just, out of shape, people, relatability, self-awareness, shape, tips, try, want, workout, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

0

2 months ago

again, believe, conversation, day, dog, going, humor, just, never, nobody, pet, randomness, surprise
If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

0

2 months ago

baby, childbirth, feet, hat, humor, mom
You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

0

5 months ago

35, advice, age, aging, bathroom, before, better, bladder, funny advice, health, humor, leave, over, pee, routine, while
Touch my butt, not my coffee.

0

2 months ago

boundary, butt, cheek, coffee, humor, personal, personal space, playful, space, touch
A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

0

2 months ago

child, children, humor, irony, parent, parenting, perfect, perfection, person, theory
My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

0

2 months ago

annoying, annoying habit, communication, habit, habits, humor, husband, me, offended, offense, PowerPoint, presentation, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

94 shares on X this month:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

44 shares on Discord this month:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

83 shares on Discord this month:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

79 shares on Instagram this month:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Just landed via Facebook:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Trending via Telegram:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Going viral on WeChat:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Spotted on Slack:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Trending via Threads:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Seen just now on Slack:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨