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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Just landed via Instagram:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Just shared via Telegram:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Live now on X:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Just landed via Facebook:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Making waves on Pinterest:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Spotted on Twitch:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

2 weeks ago

Playful pun about transforming Jason Momoa into a refreshing drink with orange juice.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍹 "Forget a regular mimosa, why stop there? Go all out and mix up a Jason Mimosa! Just a splash of orange juice and boom, you've got yourself the ultimate thirst-quenching and attractive beverage. Who needs regular OJ when you can have a slice of Momoa in your glass?" 😉

drink, humor, Jason, juice, Mimosa, Momoa, orange, orange juice, pun, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

37 shares on Messenger this month:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

40 shares on X this month:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Making waves on TikTok:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Shared recently on Instagram:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Just landed via X:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Breaking via Slack:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Just landed via Facebook:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

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