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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,052

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Making waves on Telegram:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Spotted on Discord:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Just shared via Threads:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Live now on Instagram:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Spotted on Snapchat:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Going viral on Facebook:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

1 day ago

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Commentary:
When your coffee shop goes full analog, just remember: I'm bringing my typewriter and asking for the "smoking section" 😂☕️📜

50, coffee, coffee shop, days, humor, old, old days, passive-aggressive, pay, payment, pretend, shop, sign, smoke, Wi-Fi, wifi

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

0

2 months ago

afternoon, coffee, energy, humor, person, personality, procrastination, sleep
Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

0

2 months ago

bad, comedy, emotional, emotional pain, fantasy, feelings, health, humor, insecurity, mental, mental health, pain, self-esteem
Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, cocktail, cocktails, drink, humor, juice, know, next, party, taste, thing, tipsy, tricky, walk, walking
I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, dollars, dream, humor, joke, life, million, missing, money, wealth
I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

0

2 months ago

authority, being, fit, good, home, humor, job, job market, market, nonconformity, personal, personal values, sarcasm, self-righteousness, strengths, traditional, values, workplace
A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, area, bar, beer, developer, drink, drinking, drinks, expert, humor, nightclub, nightlife, place, place to drink, places, pub, seo, SEO expert, tavern, walk, web, web developer

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Reddit this month:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

10 shares on X this month:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Live now on Instagram:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Trending via Reddit:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Going viral on Slack:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Spotted on WeChat:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Just shared via TikTok:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Just landed via Slack:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Just shared via Pinterest:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨