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👣 Just picturing a centipede tap-dancing down the hallway in its tiny flip flops! The sound would be like a spontaneous percussion concert… or a bizarre tap dancing competition! 💃🕺 Don't invite them to a quiet library! 📚🤣

animal, centipede, flip, flip flop, flop, flops, footwear, humor, imagination, imagine, little, loud, noise, tiny

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I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

1 month ago
advice, communication, early, humor, i, irony, just, learning, outcome, professional, sarcasm, say, told, workplace
I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

1 month ago
everything, humor, i, irony, life, money, still, think, thought, used, value
Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

1 month ago
anything, bagel, everyone, everything, expectation, food, humor, metaphor, need, needs, wants
Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

1 month ago
ever, humor, just, laziness, mood, morning, relatable, wake, wake up
My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

6 days ago
communication, dead, distraction, face, hear, humor, i, listening, said, sarcasm, stare, superpower, talking, while, word
I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

2 months ago
excitement, humor, i, last, lottery, money, night, peasants, scratch-off, win

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

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The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

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Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

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The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

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Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

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I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

Going viral on Facebook:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Trending via Reddit:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Spotted on Discord:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

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Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

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Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

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