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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1743 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,905

Funny Quotes Topics

14,722

Funny Quotes Images

11,905

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Making waves on X:

Dance like China isn’t watching.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Just shared via Discord:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Seen just now on X:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Breaking via Facebook:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.
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Commentary:
Glad I'm not getting charged rent for living in my own head… yet! 😂💸💭

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1743 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,905

Funny Quotes Topics

14,722

Funny Quotes Images

11,905

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Spotted on YouTube:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Going viral on Snapchat:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Live now on Pinterest:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Going viral on Telegram:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Trending via Facebook:

They expect me to work at work.

Just shared via TikTok:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

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