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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

Spotted on Threads:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Live now on Discord:

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

Making waves on TikTok:

All roads lead to disappointment.

Just landed via Instagram:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Breaking via Twitch:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Going bananas on Slack:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Trending via Reddit:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Playful quote about shifting from daily worries to holiday stress with humorous flair.
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Commentary:
Time to upgrade my anxiety wardrobe with some festive flair! 🎄😅✨

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on WeChat this month:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

29 shares on Slack this month:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,612

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Shared recently on Slack:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Trending via Reddit:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Just landed via Discord:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Going bananas on Slack:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Just landed via Instagram:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

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