Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Going viral on Telegram:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Making waves on Messenger:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Breaking via WeChat:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Just landed via Reddit:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Going viral on Slack:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you say 'come here' and they hear 'do absolutely nothing' 😹👂🐾 #Catologia"

amazing, attitude, both, cat, cats, ears, humor, ignore, ignoring, pet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad boy, boy, boys, confidence, everything, humor, i, relationship, self-deprecation, well
I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

0

3 months ago

bottle, hand, hate, i, lotion, lotion bottle, mucus, mucus plug, palm, plug, pump, skincare
The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

0

2 months ago

ambition, domination, good, humor, me, nap, only, procrastination, sleep, thing, world, world domination
True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

0

6 months ago

humor, irony, lifelong, peace, possibility, romantic, solitude, true
I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

0

2 months ago

attention, humor, ignore, influencer, me, media, online, people, sarcasm, satire, social, social media
Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

0

5 months ago

communication, coworker, coworkers, exclamation, exclamation point, humor, killed, know, message, messages, office, point, sarcasm, spirit, stopped, using, work, work message

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Threads this month:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

19 shares on Telegram this month:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

27 shares on X this month:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

79 shares on Discord this month:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

23 shares on Slack this month:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Making waves on Facebook:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Just landed via Instagram:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Going viral on Messenger:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨