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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Going viral on Instagram:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Just shared via Slack:

Alexa, mute my children.

Making waves on Facebook:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Spotted on Messenger:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Seen just now on YouTube:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Just shared via Telegram:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Spotted on Threads:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

2 days ago

Humorous quote about January feeling unpredictable and chaotic.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, January! One minute you're all about new beginnings and resolutions, and the next you're like, "Just kidding, let's freeze everything into a wintry oblivion!" 🤪❄️ Embracing the rollercoaster ride of emotions that is January – buckle up and enjoy the unpredictable show! 🎢 #JanuaryMoodSwings

episode, humor, January, mood, schizophrenic, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Facebook this month:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

38 shares on Threads this month:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

45 shares on X this month:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

49 shares on Discord this month:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

32 shares on Threads this month:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Spotted on Twitch:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Making waves on Pinterest:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Spotted on Slack:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Type of person to take the long way home just to listen to more music.

Going viral on YouTube:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

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