Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Trending via Slack:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Trending via Twitch:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Seen just now on Discord:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew speed dating had a sequel? 😂👩‍❤️‍👨🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️ #TherapistsNightmare #StrangersInTherapy"

activity, communication, couple, couples, couples therapy, dating, funny activity, humor, joke, know, looking, notice, relationship, relationship humor, someone, take, therapist, therapy, therapy joke

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

0

2 months ago

AirPod, etiquette, headphones, humor, interview, interview etiquette, job, job interview, multitasking, tech, workplace
No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

0

2 months ago

expectation, food, french, great, humor, i, just, mean, surprise, toast
The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

0

2 months ago

food, humor, kindest, kindest vegetable, kindness, potato, sweet, sweet potato, vegetable
Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

0

2 months ago

adventure, everyone, Gollum, hermit, hiss, hissing, idea, jewels, lakes, lifestyle, naked, occasionally, people, places, pools, right, solitude, swim, swimming, try
I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

0

2 months ago

again, doing, growth, hard, humor, i, introspection, myself, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-awareness, self-reflection, taken
When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

0

2 months ago

around, awareness, dead, death, existential, hard, humor, irony, know, life, perspective, same, stupid, stupidity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Messenger this month:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

39 shares on Threads this month:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Shared recently on Facebook:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Spotted on Discord:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Making waves on Reddit:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Just landed via Instagram:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Just shared via Facebook:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨