Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Live now on Discord:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Going viral on Threads:

Having a job ruined my life.

Trending via Twitch:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Trending via Snapchat:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Just shared via YouTube:

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

Trending via Reddit:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Just shared via Twitch:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds about right! Guess Cupid needs a GPS these days 😆💘📍

better, dating, flirt, guy, humor, interest, interested, irony, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

0

2 months ago

advice, best, humor, internet, media, offer, online, social, social media, strangers
Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

0

2 months ago

attention, blue, galaxy, humor, overheating, owner, planet, plate, small, tectonic, tectonic plate, vehicle
If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

0

2 months ago

billionaire, Earth, else, escape, everyone, humor, i, leave, Mars, rockets, satire, space, space travel, travel, wealth
Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

0

2 months ago

angry, angry man, don’t, future, future house, home, house, humor, i, living, living situation, man, situation, things, things I don’t want, want
If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

0

2 months ago

Batman, costume, creativity, dress, ever, fashion, humor, i, impress, suit, superhero, thought, told
We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

0

2 months ago

change, comedy, drama, fall, humor, life, seasons, spring, summer, today, used, winter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Threads this month:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

44 shares on TikTok this month:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Trending via Discord:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Life is weird and then you die.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Going viral on YouTube:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Going viral on Threads:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Trending via Snapchat:

I am cassette tape years old.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨