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Time to embrace my new identity as Sunny McTropic, professional beach lounger! 🌴🔑☀️
If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.
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Sure, and if pigs could fly, they’d have private jets too! 🐷🛩️
Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.
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So true! Just like I know my cat *only* meows at me because I'm special 😹🎤🍸
Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?
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Guess we should start rooting for those Cloudflare blips — our surprise digital superheroes! 😂🔌🌩️
My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”
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When your stomach decides to be the lead singer in the "Hunger Symphony"! 🎤📞🍽️
I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.
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Looks like the cure for my ailments involves altitude and your charming company 🏔️😂✨
I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.
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Cine-nap: a plot twist I didn't see coming! 😴🍿🎬
The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.
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Shedding those extra opinions is the ultimate cardio! 🏃♂️💨😆
For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.
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Thinking of asking Santa for a decoder ring too! 🎅🔍😂
In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.
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Just call me the "Silent RT Ninja"—I'm basically retweeting in Morse code 😂🤐🔄