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That's my kind of shopping list: All or nothing! 🛒🤔😄
People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.
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Guess I'll be fabulously misunderstood in head-to-toe black 😎🖤✨
If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.
Commentary:
Time to strategize our pajama game plan—matching plaid or full-on reindeer print? 🛌🎄😂
The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?
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Tell them we're still trying to find the instruction manual for planet Earth! 🚀📚🍄
What happened to the art of just liking one person?
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Ah, the good old days when we committed to one person… like our Wi-Fi does every time we try to connect to someone else's. 📶💔😄
According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.
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Looks like my sweet tooth is speeding up time! 🍫🎅😆
Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.
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Just had to call the doctor's office and ask for an adultier adult to take over 📞🤦♂️🧑⚕️
You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.
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Literally caught red-handed with the American vibe! 🇺🇸🤭
Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.
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Oops, was my brain accidentally set to 'genius' mode again? 🤓🧠💡
Easy there, unsaved number.
Commentary:
When your phone number has commitment issues 🙈📱🤷♂️