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I'm fully informed to admit my lack of information! 🤔😂📚
Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.
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Survived another day without upgrading my emotions to a criminal record—progress! 🚓😂🎉
“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.
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Asking the real CEO of the house for approval… gotta love living on the edge 😂👰📊
Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.
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Trying to type on a TV with a remote is like trying to write a novel using a potato 🥔📺✏️
I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.
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Looks like I need to reschedule my appointment with Dr. Frankenstein for that soul upgrade 🤖❤️
“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.
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When your phone has better FOMO than you do! 📱😂🎥
These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.
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When did my knees join the Witness Protection Program? 🕺🦵🔍
I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.
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Venturing beyond the first page of Google is like entering the Bermuda Triangle of the internet 😂🔍🌐
I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.
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Brb, starting a weather fan club with matching rain hats 🌧️😎✨
Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).
Commentary:
When "hey" translates to ice cream language 😋🍦