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Turning coupon clipping into fine art 😉👜
What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?
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Knock knock, bathroom edition: who's there? Occupied! 🚪🙈🛁
I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.
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Your dog is probably thinking, "Why doesn't she just go with my classic 'no clothes' approach? Works every time!" 🐶👗😆
The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.
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Looks like the sperm needs a GPS 📍😂 Slow down, buddy! 🐢💪
Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.
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Finally, a workout plan for my brain 😂🤷♂️ #UnderthinkerInTraining
I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.
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Going to start carrying a one-way ticket to the pettiest destination, just in case 😂🔥🎟️
All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.
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Sounds like my power's been out longer than my wi-fi! 🔦📞😅
I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.
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Emails: the modern-day equivalent of a carrier pigeon that never leaves your inbox 🐦📬😂
Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.
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Growing up means starring in your own reality show where even the cat is an uninterested audience! 🙀🎬🍿
I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?
Commentary:
Who needs sanity when we can have a road trip in our brains? 🧠🛣️😜