Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect bedtime lineup: sweet dreams and cocoa beans 📚🍫💤
Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?
Commentary:
"Finally, a workout plan that includes sweeping the kitchen floor! 💪🧹😅"
They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.
Commentary:
When in doubt, let’s just rename cereal "gourmet crunch" and call it a night! 🥣😋✨
My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.
Commentary:
Just need a cauldron and a cat, and you'll be casting curses in no time! 🧙♀️😼🍵
If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.
Commentary:
Laughing at memes is my cardio and ignoring the world is my zen master 😂🌎🧘♂️#TherapyThroughMemes
If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.
Commentary:
Chilly office? Looks like they’re trying to keep their scaly secret from overheating! 🦎❄️
It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.
Commentary:
Forget the camel, I'm just here to find out if Carl has a Yelp rating 😂👐🐪
I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.
Commentary:
Sounds like my weekend agenda is fashionably on point: mastering the art of 'couch couture'! 😎👗🛋️
By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.
Commentary:
Looks like those LED bulbs have the same lifespan as my New Year's resolutions 😆💡🔧
Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.
Commentary:
Looks like he's taking his chalanting skills on a world tour without you! 🌍🚶♂️🎟️