Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Receipts are basically just souvenirs from a quick stop at the store – reminding you of the money you've spent in the most fleeting way possible. 🧾💸♻️ #TrashTalk"

away, home, humor, irony, paper, piece, receipt, shopping, take, throw, throwaway, tiny, waste

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

0

2 months ago

animals, government, humor, moment, pets, sarcasm, talk, tax
I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

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2 months ago

afternoon, alcohol, beverage, coffee, day, decision, dilemma, early, half, humor, i, late, morning, procrastination, spend, time, too, wondering
Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

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2 months ago

avocado, diet, food, humor, January, lifestyle, protein, protein shake, shake, syrup, toast, transformation, tree, vegetable, whole
Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

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2 months ago

beat, distraction, humor, internet, net, procrastination, sleep, surfing, trying
Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

0

2 months ago

gentle, hands, humor, joke, last, pickpocket, relationship, status
I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

0

2 months ago

appliance, clock, humor, i, joke, microwave, reset

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Discord this month:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

What are cats even trying to do?

12 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

14 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

89 shares on Discord this month:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Spotted on TikTok:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Spotted on Discord:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Just shared via Slack:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

Trending via Messenger:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

Going viral on Slack:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨