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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Making waves on Threads:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Just landed via Slack:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Just landed via WeChat:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Just landed via Reddit:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Seen just now on Discord:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Spotted on X:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Sometimes I wish I was a millennial, so I could talk about sex with my friends.

Sometimes I wish I was a millennial, so I could talk about sex with my friends.
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Commentary:
Wow, I'd love to join a generation where discussing spreadsheets isn’t the main thing in Excel meetings 😂📊🍆

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Telegram this month:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

23 shares on Discord this month:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

19 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My lips could use some attention today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Trending via Pinterest:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Trending via Slack:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Live now on Facebook:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.

Going viral on Telegram:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Seen just now on Threads:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Going bananas on Threads:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

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