Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,506

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Making waves on Pinterest:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Spotted on Threads:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"True story: My willpower has a blackout every time chocolate enters the scene! 🍫🤷‍♂️😂"

challenge, chocolate, eating, hardest, humor, indulgence, starting, stopping, sweets

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

0

2 months ago

cartoon, emotional, everything, getting, humor, perseverance, resilience, Spongebob, thinking, through
We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

0

2 months ago

comma, education, humor, irony, Oxford, sarcasm, wit
I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

0

2 months ago

donut, donuts, food, guy, humor, hungry, i, kids, knows, little, misunderstanding, nephew, right, thanks, think, work
I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, backyard, every, flashlight, funny activity, here, high, hour, humor, i, know, let, neighbors, power, scan, security, tolerance, weirdness
I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

0

2 months ago

card, cards, credit, credit card, finances, humor, i, joke, limit, spending, too
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

0

2 months ago

animal, cat, ear, humor, ignore, muscle, pet, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

32 shares on Messenger this month:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

83 shares on X this month:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

30 shares on Twitch this month:

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Trending via Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Trending via Threads:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Making waves on Telegram:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Just landed via WeChat:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨