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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Trending via Messenger:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Spotted on TikTok:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Trending via Discord:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Seen just now on X:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Just landed via WeChat:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Shared recently on YouTube:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

3 months ago

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"When life gives you fake cakes, upgrade to a bundt with real company! 😂🍰🙌"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Slack this month:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

58 shares on X this month:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

If you relate to me, get some help!

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

41 shares on Threads this month:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Making waves on Snapchat:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Shared recently on Twitch:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Just landed via Threads:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Just landed via Slack:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Just landed via Facebook:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I need a day off from myself.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

My life goal is to make you feel as awkward or awesome as you are making me feel.

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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