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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,338

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Seen just now on Threads:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Shared recently on Messenger:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I love having plans to cancel.

Trending via WeChat:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Making waves on Slack:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Trending via Threads:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Isn't it ironic how kids and alarm clocks collaborate to keep parents from ever sleeping past sunrise 😂🕒☀️

body, day, early, humor, kid, kids, letting, morning, parent, same, sleep, sleep in, stop, wake, wake up, waking, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

0

2 months ago

easily, even, humor, internet, irony, media, offended, online, sarcasm, social, social media, why
Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

0

5 months ago

addiction, around, day, glass, humor, just, life, modern, modern life, phone, phones, screen, sit, smartphone, tapping, technology, wild
You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

0

2 months ago

child, choice, dilemma, evening, fun, help, homework, math, nice, parenting
Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

0

2 months ago

attitude, complaining, daughter, family, humor, i, me, mom, parenting, payback
Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

0

2 months ago

exercise, fitness, gym, humor, joke, notice, put, self-deprecation, weakness
Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

0

5 months ago

connection, humor, me, merge, merge soul, quirky, relationship, soul, weird

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

64 shares on Discord this month:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

92 shares on Slack this month:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

21 shares on Slack this month:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

79 shares on X this month:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Breaking via Messenger:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Just landed via Discord:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Just shared via Facebook:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Shared recently on Slack:

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

Just shared via Facebook:

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨