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Commentary:
"Move over, cheetahs! The real speed demons are the smartasses typing away online at lightning speed! 🏃💨💻 Who needs four legs when you have a keyboard and sarcasm on your side? 😂 #InternetSprinter"

Earth, fastest, humor, internet, mammal, sarcasm, smartass, web, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

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2 months ago

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I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

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2 months ago

around, attitude, badass, casual, casual attitude, chewing, confidence, enough, humor, never, self-image, toothpick, toughness, walk
My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

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2 months ago

Adderall, communication, humor, i, length, me, message, mom, prescription, read, reading, text, text message
Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

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2 months ago

back, bored, boredom, flirting, humor, interaction, relationship, situation, situations, social, social interaction, unwanted, unwanted situation
If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

0

2 months ago

empathy, humor, need, perspective, post, posts, sharing, stole, theft
One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

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2 months ago

activity, aging, bar, bars, before, fun, fun activity, humor, i, interesting, joke, learned, leave, life, nightlife, social, social life, thing, thirty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

51 shares on Slack this month:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

46 shares on X this month:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Going bananas on WeChat:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Trending via TikTok:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Going bananas on X:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Just shared via Messenger:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Just landed via Instagram:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨