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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,607

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Making waves on Facebook:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Making waves on Reddit:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Just landed via Threads:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Trending via Snapchat:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Going bananas on Threads:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

2 months ago

0

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, wouldn't that be nice! Just imagine having a "Saturunday" 🤔 – the perfect day to relax and prepare for the chaos of the week ahead without feeling guilty about not being productive! Who's with me? 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️ #SaturundayDreams

day, humor, missing, relaxation, Saturday, Sunday, time, weekend, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

0

2 months ago

able, being, frustration, huge, humor, inconvenience, me, sci-fi, teleport, thinking, travel, wishful, wishful thinking
To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

0

2 months ago

advice, ask, asking, humor, oath, people, relationships, secret, single, singles, success, tell
America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

0

2 months ago

anthem, comment, country, cultural, cultural comment, humor, irony, joke, jungle, music, national, patriotic, patriotic satire, satire, should, welcome
I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

0

2 months ago

chance, conflict, humor, irony, luck, mind, violence
Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

0

5 months ago

beat, break, breakup, coping, heartbreak, humor, love, me, relationship, resilience, sarcasm, someone, witty, worry
Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

0

2 months ago

40s, age, aging, every, humor, Jesus, person, reaction, response, welcome, younger, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

27 shares on Threads this month:

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

26 shares on Slack this month:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

45 shares on X this month:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Shared recently on Slack:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Seen just now on WeChat:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Spotted on Slack:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Seen just now on Instagram:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

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