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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,930

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Live now on Instagram:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Live now on Facebook:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Just shared via TikTok:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor probably thought he was delivering a roundhouse kick instead of a baby! 💥👶 #ChuckNorrisFacts

birth, born, chuck, Chuck Norris, doctor, humor, joke, norris, slap, toughness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

2 months ago
affection, girlfriend, humor, little, love, psycho, relationship, time
Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

4 months ago
anxiety, embarrassing, embarrassment, health, humor, mental, mental health, night, night shift, nightmare, nightmares, shift, sleep, stress, why, working
Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

1 month ago
adulting, asleep, baby, bottle, concerning, cute, humor, i, irony, sleep
The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

2 weeks ago
best, failing, forgetfulness, gift, having, humor, memory, open, present, presents, self-gift, surprise, time, wrap, yourself
I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

1 month ago
canceling, commitment, different, different person, expectations, humor, i, ID, last, person, plans, procrastination, self-improvement, sorry, week
I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

1 month ago
dating, even, humor, husband, match, me, relationship, single, Tinder

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Going viral on Messenger:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Making waves on Messenger:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Going viral on Messenger:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Just landed via X:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Going viral on Threads:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

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Activity Log ✨

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Listen to the birds, not the news.

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

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When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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