When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

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I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

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Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

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I need a vaccine against overthinking.

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I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

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What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

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That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

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Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

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This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

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Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

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Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.