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How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

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Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

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You say β€œmultitask” like it’s a good thing.

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Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

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Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

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Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

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Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

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Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

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Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

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I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

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When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Commentary:
πŸŽΈπŸ•Ί "If living in the past means better tunes, then crank up the time machine and pass me a cassette tape! πŸŽΆπŸ˜‚ #VintageVibes"

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