You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.