You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

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Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

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I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

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He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

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Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

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I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

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This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

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A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.