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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Going viral on Threads:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Just landed via Reddit:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Going viral on TikTok:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Spotted on Threads:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sure, let's protect the sacred silence between me and my barber—communication involves scissors and nods, not dialogue! 💇‍♂️✂️🙊

another, barber, conversation, customer, etiquette, getting, haircut, humor, own, please, social, social etiquette, started, talk, talking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

0

2 months ago

fruit, gardening, humor, irony, logic, plant, question, seeds, watermelon
I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

0

2 months ago

always, hard, hard work, humor, i, idiot, joke, marriage, mine, over, pride, relationship, say, wife, work, yes
It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

0

2 months ago

business, detachment, interest, peaceful, people, personal, personal space, social, space, tranquility
Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

0

2 months ago

activity, days, exhaustion, extreme, extreme sport, going, going out, humor, life, row, should, social, social life, sport, weekend
The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

0

2 months ago

art, coping, dignity, grace, humor, life, positivity, survival, wit
I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

0

2 months ago

apartment, big, changes, comedy, desire, exaggeration, humor, i, laugh, size, spaciousness, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

74 shares on X this month:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

94 shares on X this month:

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Just shared via Snapchat:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Trending via Pinterest:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Spotted on WeChat:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Going viral on Discord:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Making waves on Facebook:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Trending via Snapchat:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨