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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,456

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Just shared via Slack:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Making waves on Discord:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Breaking via Slack:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Live now on Slack:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Trending via Reddit:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sure, let's protect the sacred silence between me and my barber—communication involves scissors and nods, not dialogue! 💇‍♂️✂️🙊

another, barber, conversation, customer, etiquette, getting, haircut, humor, own, please, social, social etiquette, started, talk, talking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

0

2 months ago

Asian, cultural, cultural mix, enough, food, humor, identity, mexican, mix, popular, popularity, something, stereotype
What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

0

2 months ago

Covid, drunk, home, humor, i, learned, learning, lifestyle, productivity, remote, remote work, work
In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

0

2 months ago

alone, defense, excuse, humor, i, left, responsibility, unsupervised
I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

0

2 months ago

distraction, hear, humor, i, music, relationship, volume, where
Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

0

5 months ago

after, car, home, humor, men, minutes, question, stay, waiting, why
Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

0

2 months ago

eat, family, food, fooled, house, humor, kids, parenting, someone

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

48 shares on Threads this month:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

93 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

78 shares on Slack this month:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Spotted on Slack:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Shared recently on Twitch:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Making waves on TikTok:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Just landed via Reddit:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Spotted on Threads:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Just landed via WeChat:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Shared recently on Discord:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨