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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Shared recently on X:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Trending via Threads:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Spotted on Instagram:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

Making waves on WeChat:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Live now on LinkedIn:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Making waves on TikTok:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Just landed via Telegram:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

0
Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like Bob Ross had his happy little trees figured out faster than I can find my own zen forest! 🌳🖌️🤔

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Slack this month:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

50 shares on X this month:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,529

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Spotted on Discord:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Spotted on YouTube:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Just landed via Threads:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Making waves on Reddit:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Shared recently on Discord:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

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