Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,509

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

Live now on Twitch:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Going viral on YouTube:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Trending via Telegram:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about dating pressure, featuring playful words on a humorous perspective for men.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Tick-tock, gentlemen! Better bring your 'A' game before the clock strikes "Sorry, time's up!" 🕰️😆✨

biological, biological clock, clock, dating, deadline, final, humor, men, pressure, prove, relationship, weakness, worthiness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Slack this month:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

82 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

60 shares on Discord this month:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

76 shares on X this month:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Seen just now on X:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Just shared via Slack:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Just shared via Threads:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Trending via TikTok:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Shared recently on YouTube:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Crazy to think the average Zoomer male just works, watches porn, and plays video games. That’s it. That’s their whole life.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Going viral on YouTube:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

I love that the entire economy is just different types of scams now.

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

I love that the entire economy is just different types of scams now.

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨