Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Sane is boring.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

How is it still this week?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,375

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Back to the Future and chill?

Freshly posted on Slack:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Spotted on WeChat:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Breaking via Pinterest:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Going viral on Pinterest:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Of course! My heart's a DJ, and it's playing your theme song! 🎶❤️😂"

attraction, blood, flirt, humor, humor quote, just, love, me, romantic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

0

2 months ago

clean, cleaning, drama, evidence, feels, humor, i, room, sometimes
The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

0

2 months ago

breed, cash, cow, humor, joke, pun, value
In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

0

2 months ago

addiction, advice, alternative, case, funny advice, harmonica, humor, ID, music, quit, suggestion, vaping
“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

0

5 months ago

anyone, anywhere, avoiding, avoiding people, distancing, eyes, great, home, humor, i, introvert, money, open, people, saving, saving money, social, social distancing, staying, staying home
Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

0

2 months ago

AOL, canceled, control, humor, internet, joke, life, life control, procrastination, self-improvement, subscription, technology, today
Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

0

6 months ago

birdwatching, health, hobby, humor, mean, mental, mental health, relaxation, therapy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on WeChat this month:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

29 shares on Threads this month:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

Making waves on WeChat:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Just landed via Snapchat:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Just shared via X:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Live now on Threads:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Making waves on Facebook:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Just landed via Threads:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨