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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Live now on Snapchat:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Just shared via Messenger:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Going viral on Twitch:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Live now on Telegram:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Going bananas on Discord:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Playful quote about procrastination and jogging, highlighting humorous daily excuses.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like you've turned your morning routine into a classic comedy routine! 🏃‍♂️🤣 Don't worry, you're still ahead of everyone who never even announced they were going to jog! #RunningGag

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

46 shares on X this month:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

83 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I love that the entire economy is just different types of scams now.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

56 shares on X this month:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Shared recently on Reddit:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Making waves on TikTok:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Making waves on Twitch:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Making waves on Twitch:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Trending via X:

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

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