Commentary:
Trying to please everyone is like trying to drown a fish! 🐟🤷♂️😄
242 Funny behavior quotes
The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.
Commentary:
Just here for the popcorn and drama 🍿👀 #TwitterLurker
My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.
Commentary:
Sounds like the only thing people are bringing these days is a Wi-Fi password request! 📶🎉🤣
Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.
Commentary:
I must have hired my dog as a full-time stress consultant 😂🐶💼
I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’
Commentary:
When the cats get better realtor deals than you 🏠🐈😸
Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.
Commentary:
Pretending to be a genius undercover as a clueless potato 🥔🤔😂
Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.
Commentary:
When my dog sees me in jeans instead of pajamas, he assumes I'm going to the Met Gala 🐶👖😆
I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.
Commentary:
Just when you thought it was safe to scroll… BAM! Bonus content! 😂📜🚀
A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.
Commentary:
That soup's got me feeling "ooh la la" in ways I can't explain 🤤🥴🍲
I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?
Commentary:
Toddlers dropping F-bombs like it's a toy they found on the floor 😂🧸#BadButHilarious