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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,607

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Going bananas on Discord:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Making waves on TikTok:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Trending via Threads:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

1 week ago

$10, dating, expectations, humor, irony, Kafkaesque, literary, mismatch, Orwellian, relationship
If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

1 week ago

bf, dating, gf, humor, i, ID, irony, relationship
I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

1 week ago

casual, casual sex, commitment, dating, humor, me, relationship, resume, send, sex
Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

1 week ago

anything, app, bravery, confidence, coward, dating, humor, relationships
I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

1 week ago

apology, awkwardness, dating, flirt, humor, i, interaction, roast, sorry, trying
When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

1 week ago

affection, dating, gifts, hoarding, humor, i, nuts, relationship, romance, squirrel, start, woman
Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

1 week ago

back, being, comparison, dating, dot, Facebook, hot, Hot or Not, humor, interaction, just, media, nostalgia, online, online interaction, should, social, social media
Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

1 week ago

breaking, dating, feelings, humor, irony, likes, longer, man, me, news, rejection, relationship
No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

1 week ago

activity, apps, around, communication, dating, DM, fun, going, just, people, send, smile, social, unhinged, walk, year
DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

1 week ago

confidence, date, dating, DM, full, guys, humor, know, me, media, misunderstanding, relationship, social, social media

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All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Instagram this month:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Breaking via TikTok:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Spotted on TikTok:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Breaking via Reddit:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Going bananas on WeChat:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Going viral on X:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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